bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
