my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
