Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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