I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
