You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
