I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize