complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
