You just made me feel so damn special
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
