You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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