My friends, they love my intelligence
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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