I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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