Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
