why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
