turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
