we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
