I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
he puts the penis in happiness.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
