The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
