Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
