i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
