I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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