he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Operation Purity has been aborted
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
