I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
My Sexting was not on an AP level
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
