tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
