So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
