guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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