Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
dude i'm inner monologue high
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
