I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
