can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
