He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize