In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
