No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
