Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
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