yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
