i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
time to smoke my breakfast
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Randomize
