Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
