Are we in a gay sports bar?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
