Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Pooping to opera.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
