I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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