Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
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