I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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