What a fucking waste of an outfit
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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