4 words: hood of his car
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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