I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
