3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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