You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
