D3 body, D1 cock
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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