Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Randomize
