just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
