Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Randomize
