can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
