he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize