Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
