I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
well you can't waste a boner
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
