i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
3pm strippers are depressing
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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