my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
