I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Im part way to drunk.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
