I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
