my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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