i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Is it because I queefed?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
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