Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
